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I’m not sure when it started, but for a while now, I’ve felt as if I have been drifting through life. As the days go by when I sit at home I feel as if I’m in a world between time and space. It’s a bit awkward to say, but it feels like most of the time I spend studying personal interests and making observations of society and the world around me, while seeking to create a perfect world of my own; well, not technically “perfect”, but one that offers something beyond imagination. Sometimes I look at my country and question what’s being represented in the people, the culture, the diversity, as well as what’s represented across the world. As people take interest in politics, I take interest in the community. It always felt that a lot of things aimed at in political movements weren’t necessary or just ridiculous, which is why I’m grateful that “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” exists to make light of most politicians. I compare the America of today to the America of the past and I try to find, all that’s changed.
Other times I feel like I’m at a stand-still or just not moving at all. I can find times of motivation and inspiration but when it comes down to putting the pencil down, it leaves me. I often feel like I’m looking for a source of comfort that just isn’t there and in the end everything that feels like it should flow feels forced. In my opinion that’s not a good thing for an artist, especially when you want to express yourself to the people. I feel awkward when people read my work and find themselves impressed or actually enjoying it when I publish something, because inside I constantly think, “I do a lot better, trust me.” I want everything I write or release to be “The Best Damn Thing Ever” every time I do something I want it to be beyond compelling and comprehension.
Maybe it is because I lack the companions necessary to share such passions and feelings to work with; a group of productive people that are 100% passionate all the time. When I sit at home I sometimes feel like I could have been billionaire a long time ago. It’s easy to come up with an idea that’s catchy and can reach the masses, the hard part is always the delivery and marketing. I’ve devised such plans so many times before, but never fully acted on them, and that’s where I feel that I truly lack- The need to complete these things and share them. What holds me back? Sometimes it’s the thought that I’m working on this on my own. Sometimes it’s my lack of resources. Most of the time in my opinion it’s probably fear of lack of talents and consistency. I’m not as competitive as I used to be and when things become too competitive that’s when I start to lose interest or it just doesn’t feel fun. Maybe I just weeded myself out as one of the weak ones when it comes to this industry, but I know I’m more than that. I understand the essence of what I’m into and my potential to become great. I don’t want to waste my time constantly while smaller ones get up inch by inch. Win some or lose some, but as I write this I acknowledge what matters most is that I at least try to get something done and present. Better have something than nothing and best to have it late than having nothing at all.
If there’s any time to make moves it’s best to do it now.